Recently, I experienced an unexpected yet thought-provoking spiritual transformation—stemming from my decision to let go of my main QQ account and start a brand new secondary account.
Letting Go of Burdens—Changing Accounts#
At first, this change felt like a liberation for me. My main account had accumulated too much of the past—acquaintances, networks, and past chat records, all like file folders piled up over time, each review causing me a faint pain. People change over time, and my main account seemed to remind me that my changes might not be understood by those old friends. This realization led to more anxiety.
So, I chose to let go, to start anew with a new identity—a secondary account, redefining myself in the world of this new account. I broke free from the shackles of the past and felt an unprecedented sense of freedom. I could no longer suppress my true thoughts and could interact with others using a completely new tone and persona. This freedom made me realize that only by expressing my true self could I attract those who genuinely share my values. The existence of the secondary account brought me a sense of rebirth and relief.
New Social Circle—Confusion#
However, as time passed, the secondary account gradually bore my new social circle, while the main account was completely cleared out, with over a hundred friends deleted one by one. In fact, how many of those former friends were truly important? I began to understand that socializing is not a numbers game, but a resonance and connection of the soul. Thus, the once-bustling main account became a desolate secondary account, while the secondary account transformed into my new main account.
Strangely, as I delved deeper into this new identity, I gradually found myself becoming more and more exhausted and negative. Even without the social constraints of teachers and classmates, I still felt the anxiety and drain of interpersonal relationships. I even began to doubt whether I was gradually losing the ability to make friends. The previous sense of ease seemed to have vanished, replaced by a profound sense of fatigue. I realized that the issues with interpersonal relationships were not determined by the external environment; they were deeply rooted in my heart. I changed accounts, changed personas, but certain troubles still followed me like a shadow.
Is This Really an Escape?#
Recently, perhaps as a twist of fate, my secondary account was banned by QQ due to some misunderstandings. With no choice, I returned to the long-abandoned main account and picked up everything I had left behind. I tried to re-add the truly important friends from the secondary account and rebuild those once-meaningful connections. But in this process, I also discovered that my mindset seemed to change once again. Was this change a new adaptation? I didn’t know, just like the ease I felt when I initially abandoned the main account?
Perhaps the significance of changing accounts is not about escaping the past, but about continuously seeking and defining a state that truly suits oneself. The switch between the main and secondary accounts allowed me to see many things clearly and taught me to accept my changes. I cannot predict what will happen in the future, but at least, I am beginning to understand that a change in identity cannot cure inner anxiety; only by truly facing my heart can I find balance and peace.
This is my journey, a story of searching for myself within online identities, and this story will continue to be written...
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